Que sera sera

Well, my due date is fast approaching (five days!), but I'm not really feeling like anything's going to happen anytime soon. At my last doctor's appointment, last Monday, I found that I'd progressed slightly, but not much. Not that that always means anything, but it wasn't particulary encouraging. Actually, though, I'm okay with it all. I haven't really felt the urge to try to do anything to bring on labor, or have even been very anxious for the baby to come. I was much more anxious a couple of months ago than I am now. I think it was because I was very uncomfortable at the time, and I was just plain tired of being pregnant. Then the baby dropped (I'm pretty sure), or something, because I suddenly found myself able to breathe and eat better. The constant heartburn mostly went away, and just felt better all around. I wouldn't exactly say that I'm comfortable, or enjoy where I'm at, but at least it is much more manageable.

And the closer I get to actually having the baby here, the less excited I am in some ways. I know that sounds awful, but I am actually having fears and concerns about this baby that I didn't have with Bethany and Meagan. Bethany was exciting just because I'd waited so long to start having kids, and was really ready for her. Meagan had her own set of worries, because we knew in advance that she had a cleft, but I had a really good support for that, which helped me out a lot. This baby, though, I think what's giving me pause is the fact that he's a boy. I'm not sure I know what to do with a boy. I grew up mostly with girls (I didn't interact with my older brother much as a kid, and my two little brothers were really little when I moved out of the house), and now I have two girls. Bethany is a bit of a tomboy, but it's not the same as having a boy. Most little boys are much more active than girls, or so I've heard (and in some cases, seen), and are louder and get into stuff more, etc, etc. I guess I just worry about being able to keep up. It's probably silly, because I have no idea really what his personality will be like. He could be the best behaved of all my children, but how likely is that really? Sigh. I'm sure my worries are silly, but at the same time, it makes the waiting much more tolerable. (That and who in their right mind really looks forward to labor, anyway?)