Bethany's kindergarten screening

Wow, yesterday was a very draining day.

The night before, Sean didn't want to go to sleep, so I was up until 1:30 with him. I finally got to bed, but got up three times in the night with him, so when morning rolled around, I was already really tired.

Bethany's screening was set for 11:00am. I was already nervous about the testing, because it was in a place she'd never been before, with people she'd never seen before, and I wasn't supposed to go in with her. I knew she wouldn't like that. When I signed her up, the lady told me I could go in with her if she refused to cooperate without me, which made me feel better. And then I promptly forgot about it. Meaning I didn't talk to Bethany about it to prepare her, and I didn't get a babysitter for Meagan, so she came along. Bad setup from the beginning.

I decided to go a little early, so I could have a few minutes to talk to Bethany and try to help her feel good about going in by herself. She didn't want to get in that car, and as we were driving kept telling me she wanted to go home. That was another red flag that she wasn't going to cooperate. It turned out that it was a good thing I left early, though, because when I pulled up to where I thought the school was supposed to be, I found an empty weed-filled parking lot, with a derelict building in front of me. I had the wrong school, an apparently abandoned old school. Oops. I sat there trying to decide what to do next. If I went home and looked it up, I would be really late, and getting the kids in and out of the car would not be good. I knew I'd be really late. Then I thought of calling someone. There was only one phone number programmed into my phone of someone local. Fortunately, they were home, and helped me find the right place. We were only a few minutes late by the time we got there. It was a good thing I'd decided to go early, and thank heaven for cell phones.

Predictably, Bethany wanted to have nothing to do with anyone at the school. She was supposed to wear a nametag on a string around her neck. The tag had numbers one through nine on it, for the differnt stations she was supposed to go to, and she'd get a sticker at each one after she completed it. Of course, she didn't want to wear the nametag, and didn't want to go with the strange lady who tried to take her away from her mom. Then one of her preschool teachers came in, and I thought everything would be okay, but Bethany just kept crying. If she'd been less tired and the whole thing hadn't been such a surprise, then she probably would've gone with Mrs. Rose. I left her in the gym with Mrs. Rose anyway, hoping she'd calm down in a few minutes. I'd planned to sit in the hallway and keep Meagan entertained, but then I found there was a parents' meeting going on. It was up on the stage of the gym with the principal from Bethany's kindergarten school. I tried to listen, and I heard snippets of what he said, but Meagan was crying because she didn't get to go play games like Bethany (that's what Bethany's teacher told her they were going to go do), and Meagan kept crawling and hanging all over me, and mad that I wouldn't look at her, etc, etc. In the background was Bethany screaming. I sat through about ten minutes of it, and finally packed up and left the meeting when Bethany's screaming hit a new high. I lugged my big heavey bag (full of things to entertain Meagan, snacks, diapers and my purse), the carseat with a sleeping Sean and a fussing Meagan down to the gym. It took me several minutes just calm Bethany down. Even her teacher hadn't been able to do anything with her. Then after she stopped crying, she kept saying she wanted to go home, and it took me another ten minutes or so to even get her to agree to going to one of the stations. They had a variety of objects out that she was supposed to identify. The speech therapist there was testing her vocabulary and listening for any speech problems. Bethany didn't want to have anything to do with it, until Meagan piped up and started naming everything. Even then, she wouldn't cooperate with the therapist at first, and would only respond if I asked her something. By the end, she'd thawed out somewhat and we moved to the next station, me lugging my whole entourage with us. Next she was supposed to demonstrate gross motor skills. She walked backwards and played catch alright, but only hopped on one foot three times instead of five and couldn't skip (I've never taught her to, but she probably could if I'd ever tried). After that station, she responded okay to the various testers, but it still went downhill--for me, at least. She wasn't doing well at all. She did best on letter/shape identification, testing above average on that, and on number identification and counting. But most of the rest of it she tested below to significantly below average. I thought some of the questions they asked were kind of hard, and I started wondering if all pre-kindergarteners knew the answers, or if Bethany was just really behind. Some of them I think she would've answered better if they'd been worded slightly differently, or if she'd been calmer from the outset. For example, one tester said, "Coffee is hot, ice cream is ______." Bethany was supposed to say "cold", but she just stared at the lady. I told her that Bethany didn't know what coffee was, so she tried to substitute "tea". When I said she didn't know what tea was, either, the lady got flustered and didn't know what to say, and Bethany didn't get that question. This morning at breakfast, I said, "Bethany, eggs are hot, ice cream is _____," and she promptly said "cold". So see, she does know some of the answers. On the other hand, there were things she obviously couldn't do. Some of the memory testing and the drawing and other basic knowledge testing she didn't get. She couldn't draw a picture of herself, she couldn't say what a fireman did, she didn't always identify the right picture she'd just seen when it was mixed in with other pictures, she didn't get the rhyming, and things like that. Listening to her, I knew her scores weren't going to be good. It didn't help my frame of mind that while I was trying to get her to cooperate and pay attention--she was having trouble focusing--Meagan kept getting in the way, they were both hungry, and Sean woke up and started to fuss because he wanted to eat. While we waited for her scores to be compiled, Meagan and Bethany were given some animal crackers, so they calmed down a bit, but Sean was still fussing. Then one of the kindergarten teachers and the school psychologist came out to show me her scores. They suggested I have her tested for a county program that provides free preschool for kids with learning or physical disabilities. Each class is really small, and and has two teachers, so she'd get some specialized attention. If she were to go to a regular class right now, she'd get lost. The psychologist also suggested having her tested for ADHD and/or Asperger syndrome. That was about the last straw for me. I kept it together until I got the kids in the car, and then I cried the whole way home. And off and on for pretty much the rest of the day.

Neither of those things were really a shock to me. Asperber's had actually already been suggested to me months ago by my sister-in-law, Tanya. I'd looked it up, and some of the symptoms did fit Bethany, but there were enough that didn't that I didn't ever follow through on it. (Truth be told, though, I cried then, too). I've suspected ADHD myself, after seeing some of her behaviour at school and home. A lot of those symptoms really do fit her, so I'd already planned to have her tested for that. If that's what it is, I can deal with it. I mean, it won't be fun or easy or anything, but I can live with it. In fact, I think it will make some things easier, just having it out there. I'll tend to be more patient with her, I think, because I'll know that she's not just being stubborn or disobedient when she doesn't do what I tell her, but that there's something else going on. And I'll have a better idea of how to handle it.

It's the idea of Asperger's that disturbs and upsets me so much. I can't really put my finger on why. I mean, who wants to face the possibility that their child has a disability like that? I guess I feel that that's something that she's less likely to overcome. The disability will always be there. Future options for her life are much more hampered than with ADHD. That's what makes me sad, I think. What will her future life be like. Would she be able to hold a job, get married, etc? I know I'm going way overboard on that, because she hasn't even been diagnosed with anything, but I do get anxiety attacks, especially when I'm sleep deprived. Even if she does have Asperger's, she'd be really high functioning for an autistic child, compared to some I've seen. I just need to back off a bit for now. I've got the wheels going to get her tested for the preschool, and I've made a doctor's appointment for her, to get a referral to a specialist to test for ADHD and Asperger's. I think I need to just hold off imagining anything else until that's all done, and we get some results in. Deep breath and smile, everything will work out one way or another.